I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
