I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
