My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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