The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize