Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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