I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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