I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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