Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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