You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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