Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
