aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
