I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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