He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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