Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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