Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
