tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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