Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I want is dick and wine.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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