Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
