Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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