i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
