Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
