You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
