when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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