yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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