Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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