remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i will never coherently bang her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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