Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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