So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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