got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
