i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
