im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
