Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
