Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
