i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
