Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
