My nipple is on Facebook.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
