Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
