Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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