I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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