kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
