mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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