I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
