I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
