why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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