you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
