The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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