i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
