At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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