VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
