This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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