If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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