Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
