Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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