i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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