just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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