If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
