if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
