I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
