You're a womanizer and a bitch.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
