i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
