you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
