Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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