dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
