So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
