Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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