Your face is a jimmy john
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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