The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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