i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
