You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
