you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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