Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
